Bonus Mothers

I’m dedicating this Mother’s Day to the bonus mothers of the world.

Being a parent is already hard. Being a bonus parent is harder. 90% of the disagreements in my home is either with my husband about the best way to handle any situation dealing with my bonus daughter or with her. My daughter is 9. She is quiet and shy most times but not with me. She is determined to let me know whenever I do something she doesn’t like. She does not ever want to be wrong and if you ask her she never is. As of lately I have been having a hard time navigating our relationship. I think she is trying to figure out how to have two moms. Pair that with a custody case that is getting uglier by the day and many schedule changes. Could you imagine this at a such a young age? Maybe you have been through it. Do you remember what it felt like? I have been trying to give her the space she needs to do that. I don’t force anything on her. I let her ask the questions she needs to figure out whatever is going on in her head. I like to let things flow. We used to be very close but in the last year or so she has pulled away from me. All things considered, I get it.

Fast Forward 8 Years.......

I have never in my 32 years of living called any woman on this planet mom, mama, or anything close to it.

I had faith for about a year in a half before her sister was born. Her dad worked, I stayed home and when she was home we spent all of our time together. Fast forward 8 years and I have went from “mommy“ to ”Ms. Monique“ sometimes. Let me tell y’all that first “Ms. Monique“ felt like I was unexpectedly hit by a ball in the face. It stung. However I welcomed it because again I want her to navigate her world through her eyes the best way she can at age 9. My mother did not raise me. I never developed that daughter-mother relationship with anyone. I have never in my 32 years of living called any woman on this planet mom, mama, or anything close to it. The least I can do is be understanding and let it be my daughters decision on what she would like to call me. I know we will figure this out and things wont always be this way. I am struggling with the best way to move forward with our relationship. I am trying to appreciate where we are. I am trying not to forget when this felt easier. I need to remind myself how great of a mother I truly am.

The Sacrifices are worth it..

No one talks about that thin line between being a source of support and overstepping boundaries

This Mothers Day is for you because no one tells you how hard it is to parent someone else’s child. No one talks about that thin line between being a source of support and overstepping boundaries. You can’t be taught how to deal with the first time they reject you. You can’t read about the fits your child will have because the training bras you bought don't fit like the ones their mom bought. Nothing you do will feel good enough and everything you do will be questioned. You cant control that no matter what you do they will always feel different from their siblings. So this Mother’s Day is for you because co parenting is not for the weak, the sacrifices you have made are worth it, your intentions are pure and I know the last thing you are trying to do is replace your child's Mother.

I see you. I feel you. I hear you. I honor you. I am you. Happy Mothers Day!

-Simply Moe